All Kidding Aside

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My Child’s A Junkie

I’ve done these kind of blogs before, and when I do an internet search for pictures, new ones just seem to pop up all the time. I don’t get it.

As a parent to a sweet little girl, I can’t imagine letting my child play with a gun (loaded or unloaded–what’s the difference), or allowing my baby to “hold” onto my beer. A few of the pictures I found were so awful, that even I cringed with disgust.

We had one picture (I should say, photograph) of my daughter when she was about 15-18 months old, and it was supper time. She wanted more peas, so my hubby picked up the large serving spoon full of peas to give to her. It was meant to be funny, and that’s why I got the camera to take the picture. But, that was peas…not a bong.

Seriously, some of these pictures will make youwant to hunt down these people and call the cops. Kids are screwed up enough these days, they don’t need their lazy-assed parents helping them along. Of course, it’s usually the lazy-assed parents that are to blame.

Behold, some of these pictures will astound you. Yes, I’m sure that some of them were meant to be funny. There was one picture I found where the man had his son laying across the skill saw, pretending to cut him in half. The man had this stupid goofy grin on his face. If that man could think of that when he wasn’t angry, imagine what he could think of if he was.

Well, this is safe. Even going slow, this is a bad idea. If dad’s not paying attention, and the little wagon hits a bump or pot hole, they’re going to have a very bad case of road rash. Not to mention the fact that none of them have helmets on. Where’s a cop when you really need one?

Living in Canada, we have quite extensive gun laws. I’m pretty sure that these sort of things aren’t allowed. Um, that last picture is quite disturbing. Where’s mom and dad? Taking the picture, because Jr. is so cute.

Let’s start them out early. Let’s show them porn videos to see how babies are made, show them that women are different from men, and how to pole dance. Yes, and then we wonder why young girls are having babies of their own. “Grandma, what was that that you just put in your mouth?” Ewww, gross…that was just wrong on so many levels.

Oh My God! At least this one appears to be sleeping, but what the hell? Bad parents of the year award goes to them. They probably drugged the kid to sleep through it.

I’m sure this parent does realize that she is actually choking her child, but he’ll get over it…as soon as he wakes up.

Well, now this is safe. It looks like a make-shift balcony, but it doesn’t look like anything’s really holding it up. Wouldn’t you feel like a shit if your kid plummeted down to the ground because of a stupid contraption like that.

 

Traumatizing a child is not what I would think would get you a Good Parent of-the-year award. Putting your child in a car with no car seat, and bringing your child to a bar to sleep on the filthy floor is bad enough, but to literally traumatize your child is beyond welfare services…they need to be jailed.

Ok, this is just bad…bad, bad, bad.

But wait…there’s more.

Allowing a snake…and not just any snake, but a snake that could potentially eat your child, is irresponsible. Not to mention the fact that the snake literally would weigh more than that child, it’s probably causing the child not to be able to breathe properly. Where are the parents…? Taking the stupid picture!

What? And, she’s actually going to light it for him? Enabling him so early in life…shame, shame…anybody recognize this kid? He stole my pack of cigarettes.

Honey, what’s for dinner?

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Kids Just Want To Have Fun!

     I could do another snow blog for my dear friend, William…but, I’m not going to.

     No, today I’m going to rant about something that as a parent, I think this should be addressed.

     Thirty+ years ago, when I was in public school, we were allowed to bring anything to school. We were allowed to bring skipping ropes, jump-it’s, a leg of a nylon with a ball in it for bouncing on the walls. There were jungle-gyms, swing sets, slides and see-saws. My school even had one of those merry-go-round things.

     Look at this…I lived to write about it!

     A while back, because they were kind of dangerous, they got rid of the merry-go-rounds because kids would dare other kids to lay on it with their head hanging off the side. Of course, there would be injuries when the kids aren’t bright enough not to do that.

     But, they got rid of them, even though the kids weren’t any smarter for it.

     Then they got rid of the see-saws. They said it was a form of bullying because one kid would keep the other kid hanging up in the air for a few minutes.

     What? Shit, I’m sure we all did that. It wasn’t like we did it for hours on end. If you didn’t like what that other kid was doing, then you just didn’t play with that kid again. Simple as that. Of course, someone ran home to mommy and now even the see-saws are banned from playgrounds and school yards.

     Oh, let’s not forget the swings. Yes, even swings are banned in most school playgrounds. Oh, and do you know why?

     “I wasn’t fast enough to get out to the swings at recess, so I didn’t get a turn. And, little Johnny hogged it the whole recess!”

     So, because little Jane couldn’t make it out to the school yard swing set fast enough, and little Johnny hogged it every recess, now no one can enjoly the fine art of swinging. I’m sure one day little Johnny would get bored with the swing and then maybe little Jane could start her swinging career.

     I’m sure slides are the next thing to go.

     No, wait! It’s not slides–No, now it’s balls. Balls of any size, shape and hardness. Yup, balls.

     A teacher got beaned in the head by a tennis ball, and now the school boards are banning all balls. What the…?

     As far as I heard, this teacher didn’t sustain any life threatening injuries (other than their pride, perhaps as the kids stood around and laughed), and I’m sure we’ve all been beaned at least once in our lives, I think this teacher needs to suck it up, buttercup!

     Skipping ropes have apparently been banned in some places because they are a choking hazard. I suppose with a jump-it, you could swing it at someone and maybe give them a bloody nose or something. Forget the old ball in a nylon thing we used to bounce off the walls. They would have been banned first.

     And, we used to use a tennis ball, too….and, I live to write about it.

     Next they’ll be getting rid of all the playground equipment because of a few minor injuries, and the kids will be sitting around bored out of their minds. The only place for them to play will be a concrete or paved slab….I know, they can do chalk outlines of themselves. It will be good practice, because all these bored kids will end up in one place…and it won’t be very fun…

     I’m not sure about the rest of you out there, but I think I’d rather my kid fell off a monkey-bar and broke her arm, rather than be bored silly, hang out with the wrong crowd because she’s bored silly, and end up with these really cool bracelets to wear.
     We as parents need to put the fun back into our children’s lives. Take them to parks and allow them to play. Because, all we need are bored kids getting into trouble. No thank you!
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Peanut Butter, Nutbars, Pecan Pie….Mmmmm.

     I thought I would start off this blog by saying that I like nuts. Peanuts especially, and a good pecan pie or tart is to absolutely die for. My grandma used to make the best pecan pies. I miss grandma’s cooking. But, I digress.

     Although the picture above has a cashew in it, I don’t like cashews. I always hand mine over to someone who likes them.   

     While you may think that this blog is about the kind of nuts that you can eat, you’d be wrong. No, this is a trap for a certain friend of mine who is trying to make me nuts.

     Yup, this blog is about nuts. Well, one nut in particular. His name is William and he is certifiably nuts.

     Why you might ask? Well, he’s nuts because he likes snow.

     Sorry William, but this is another snow blog. He has it coming after what has gone on this week already, and what is to come for the rest of the week.

     He’s been extremely mean to me this week, and Friday is coming and it will only get worse. He’s been doing blogs about some character’s in a movie that comes out on Friday that is called, “The Time When The Sun First Comes Up.” Of course, I know nothing about what he’s talking about. He talks in riddles all the time. Drives me nuts.

     Yes, William likes snow, but when he sees or speaks the four letter (bad) word, he has to pay the cuss jar. He’s making me pay mine, so I’m going to make sure his is just as full.

     Can you imagine living in a place where the only hotel is an ice palace? What about living in a place where the snow is so deep, it literally buries you alive? Look at this poor dude, shoveling his roof. It’s bad enough that we have to shovel our driveways, but having to shovel your roof is beyond pathetic.

      I’ve never seen white trees before. This is a first. I don’t know where these trees are from because here in Canada, the trees are green….not white. Pretty as they may be against that very blue sky, these trees look about ready to snap at any time.

     I’d hate to be going down the road when one of those branches decides that it can no longer hold up all that ice and snow. Notice the guy walking his dogs. He’s probably wishing that the dogs could go out by themselves. I always hated walking my dog in the snow. Thank goodness I don’t have to walk my cats.

     Oh no! A snow leopard! He doesn’t look very friendly. He looks like he could maybe eat William’s leg off when he walks by. I don’t think I’d want to be on the business end of those teeth.

     You can do this same thing with sand on a nice beach. Warmth of the sun beating down on you, as you make your sculpture. And, you won’t freeze your patootie off in the process.

    

Glad that’s not me…that’s all I have to say about that.

Mr. Chinchilla looks just like the snowbank…let him have the snow.

     These are just sad excuses for snowmen. I do like their flowerpot hats though. They’re ready for any more snow that might get dumped on them. I almost feel sorry for them since they have to stay out in the cold all the time.

Wow….I wonder how long it took to make all of these?

I can just picture William sitting here on these chairs, drinking his glass of ice and reading “Ice Castles”….of course, he’ll be out there by himself.
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Love And All That Glitters.

     You might be thinking that I have found a new love or that I have been given something wonderfully glittery and sparkly from my hubby.

     Nope. On both accounts.

     What I’m talking about will cost me, and cost me dearly…but, I don’t care. Thanks to William, Norma, Shelly, Christina and a horde of others, I’ll be paying the cuss jar for the next little while. I guess I do have it coming though…I’ve posted at least three blogs about snow for my dear friend, William. He loves the stuff. I think he was dropped on his head one too many times when he was a kid.

     Yes, next week–Friday to be exact–the newest Twilight movie will be opening up in the theatres. And yes, I will be seeing it in the theatre with my other Twi-hard friends. Some of them like Wolfie, while others, like myself, like Old Sparkly. No one likes Miss No-smiles.

     Yes, I’m in my 40’s and should not be in love with Old Sparkly. Ok, love is not the word…I just think he’s cute. So do millions of other Twi-mom’s. He’s got a cute smile and I personally love his accent. Too bad Old Sparkly isn’t British.

     But, just because I like the movies, doesn’t mean I can’t poke fun at them as well. And also, if I’m going to pay the cuss jar, then so is William. In case some of you are new to my blogs, Mr. William is not supposed to say anything in regards to snow, sparkly and pretty as it may be sometimes.

     Like this pic…Look how pretty the snow looks against the green sign. And, who would have thought snow could be so strong as to hold up a car?

     Ok, so I’m a little bit obsessed. At least my obsession is cute. Sure, he might be as cold as an icicle and be just as strong, but I suppose in a few years he might not be. That’s kind of a scary thought. Ewww…

     Look at this…what a fun ride that must have been. And, they did such a good job at balancing the car, too. They probably couldn’t repeat that manouver again even if they tried. I, for one, do not want to attempt this.

     I think I’d rather date a fat and ugly Old Mr. Sparkles than to end up there.

      At least the one I like doesn’t look like a llama. I’m just sayin’.

       BTW, I’m just trying to figure out what’s pretty about this. Can anyone tell me? Honestly, I’m a pretty good driver in the snow…it’s all the other assholes out there that you’ve got to look out for.

     Did you know that people with white cars pay higher insurance premiums? It’s because of SNOW!

First there was Twilight. Ok, so he liked to watch her sleep…that’s not creepy…is it??

And, of course, then there was New Moon and Eclipse.

And, soon…Breaking Dawn…my favourite of the books. Yes, this is where Edward and Bella make a baby. Awwwww.

See, don’t you think he’d make a nice daddy?

Oh, and Breaking Dawn is also where we get to hear jokes like this one. You have to admit, it is funny. Sorry to all my blonde friends.

    

 Still, I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather go see a really bad movie, then to be in this predicament. Or any of these other ones.

Yeah, I’d definitely rather see a the Breaking Dawn movie with a cute guy in it, sullen girl and wolf-boy, then to be stuck here. Sorry William….but, you can keep this white crap. When it snows here, I’ll bundle up mine and send it to you. I know where you live. (Just kidding)

P.S. I won’t make you pay the cuss jar if you don’t make me pay mine. :o)

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