All Kidding Aside

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The Little Christmas Tree

     Growing up, we used to have this record with all sorts of Christmas favourites on it. Rosemary Clooney sang the C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S song (one of my personal favourites), Doris Day sang Suzy Snowflake and even Captain Kangaroo told a story about the littlest snowman with the red candy heart.

    I used to sing-along to all the songs on this old record over and over again. They are timeless favourites that anyone would love to sing along to.

    But, although I knew the words to every song on the record, there was a story that pulled at my heart strings way back then, and quite frankly, it still does.

    It was a story by Red Skelton called “The Little Christmas Tree”. I used to cry for the little tree because he didn’t know why he had been cut down. He has a conversation with Santa, and Santa helps the little tree to know that he does have a purpose.

    The record is long gone (I have no idea where it went, and no one in my family can find it), and although you can get this record in CD form, The Little Christmas Tree is no longer on it. My husband bought the CD for me a couple of years ago, but it just wasn’t the same without that classic on it.

     I guess others in the world loved this record, and this story, too, because now you can find it on YouTube.

     I hope none of you mind, but I’m going to share with you a glimpse into my childhood.


10 Things….

     I live in a small town…a very small town…so, I’m not going to be able to tell you the 10 things I love about where I live…I could probably name you 10 things I don’t love about it, however.

     So, I’ll tell you the 10 things that I love about Ontario instead…Except for the first one, the rest are in no particular order.

1. Bon Echo Provincial Park: I grew up going here, and it is my most favourite place to go in the summer. I know every trail and it’s just a fun place to go. Even the Mazinaw Monster (in Lake Mazinaw) likes it here. This pic is from the cliff. Lake Mazinaw is the deepest lake (well, in one spot anyway) in Ontario.

2. Niagara Falls: Canadian side of course, because then we get the full view of not only our side of the falls, but the American side as well.

3. Terry Fox Monument in Thunder Bay: I haven’t seen this statue since I was about 11 or 12, but, he is a legend in Canada. Thunder Bay is where his run across Canada ended. To this day, every September, there are Terry Fox runs to raise money for cancer research. He lost his leg to cancer, and his hope, when he started running was to raise a million dollars. He’s raised much more than that.

4. The Thousand Islands: It’s been about 12 years since my hubby and I took the 1,000 Island Cruise, but I loved seeing the cottages and houses that are sprinkled on each little island. Boldt Castle was a disappointment on the inside, and not at all like I would have imagined. The outside, though, is spectacular.

5. Jungle Cat World in Orono: I’m a cat lover, of all shapes and sizes. At this zoo, they have mainly large cats like tigers, lions, pumas, etc. They also have a few other animals like monkeys and reptiles, but the main attraction are the cats. I love cats.

6. White Water Rafting: My sister and I, two years ago, rubbed something off of our “bucket lists”…we went white water rafting at Esprit. We rafted the Ottawa river and it was great! I never thought I would ever do it, but my sister decided it was something that, because some of her friends were going, that if she didn’t do it then, that she likely never would. She asked me to go, and we had a great weekend, even though it rained for most of the day we rafted.

7. Canadian National Exhibition: Every year, for the last 4 or 5 years, we’ve been making the trip to Toronto to the CNE. It’s always the same things there, year after year, but we have fun. My daughter likes to go on some of the smaller rides, and in this photo, there was a “walking tree”…

8. The Worlds Largest…: Well, we have a giant nickel, a giant goose, a big apple…there are many really “big” things…why? I have no idea…but, they’re fun to look at and I guess, they put that little town on the map…so to speak…and, trust me, these are only but a few…
Big Apple in Colbourne
Big Nickel in Sudbury
Toonie-why does Canada feel the need to enlarge their money??
Goose in Wawa
9. The Tragically Hip: One of Canada’s #1 bands, hailing from Kingston. They have an unique sound, and their lyrics are easily understood.

10. My family and friends…I don’t have a picture of everyone that I know and love…but, if I did, I’d put it right here…

     Well, there you have it. The 10 things that I love about Ontario…oh, I’m sure there are more…but, time and space constraints just won’t allow it. Maybe next time…


One Week

     What would you do if you only had one week to live?

     My hubby and I really like the movie, “One Week”, with Joshua Jackson. It’s a 2008 Canadian-made movie about a man named Ben who discovers that he has Stage 4 cancer and goes from Toronto, Ontario to Tofino, British Columbia, on a motorcycle, trying to find adventure, the elusive Mr. Grumps, and the meaning to his life.

     He discovers through his travels that he loves a woman that he’s not in love with, (because if you have to ask “how did you know you were in love?”, then you aren’t), that his music teacher had been a bitch, and that he shouldn’t give up on his dream of becoming a writer. After countless rejections, he had given up.

     After he makes it to the “end of the road”, landing at the Pacific Ocean, he takes a ride out on the open water. He finds his “Mr. Grumps”, in a whale, and with an unfortunate accident of a truck running over his bike, he decides to go home to get treatment.

     Narrator: When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long… What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfil? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?
[Written on a black board: “To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield”]

     If I only had one week to live, I might do what he did; Go to all the places that I’ve always wanted to see. Maybe I would look up everyone that I’ve hurt in my life, and made amends. Maybe I would make sure that I had my friends and family around me. But, maybe not. I’d rather be known for how I was before, than how I was now.

     So, I pose the question: What would you do if you only had one week to live?    



Canada’s Worst Drivers

     My husband and I like to watch a show on TV called, “Canada’s Worst Driver”. It airs a couple of times a year, because, apparently, we have a lot of very bad drivers on the road. One cut me off just the other day. It’s a good thing I was by myself, because I let loose on all the expletives that I could think of.

     The host of the show, Andrew Younghusband, is literally putting his life on the line each week when he is near any of these drivers.

     Each season, a new set of bad drivers with the people who nominated them, are supposed to navigate their way to the specified location. How they manage to get there is anybody’s guess. Most of the time, they can’t follow directions if their lives depended on it.

     Of course, not everyone is a bad driver…oh no, not one of them believes that they are bad drivers and every week, each one usually states that they should ‘graduate’. On this past Monday’s episode, one of the contestants thought she would play a little ‘joke’ with the host, Andrew. She was chasing him down the roadway. She was in the car and he was running for his life.

     This lady is so in denial. She just doesn’t get it.

     She told the host and the panel of judges, one of them a retired cop from the Toronto area, that when she watched the show on TV, she thought it was funny and that it was all a big joke. But, she realized after failing so many tests, that the show was not a joke and that it wasn’t funny. Yet, she would pull a joke like chasing the host of the show while in a car…Not smart.

     Really? Seriously? Where did this lady get her license anyway?

     Many past nominees have passed the tests and earned their licenses back. One fellow from last season that didn’t earn his license back, actually realized that he still was a bad driver and cut up his own license in front of the panel of judges. This isn’t a requirement–the real worst driver refused to believe that she was the worst and took back her license.

     Most everyone “learns” something on these shows, like safe lane changes, (Did you know that some cars don’t come with ‘blinkers’? Because, I see a lot of cars on the roads these days that don’t use their blinkers. Maybe they cost extra), knowing how to do a 3-point turn, and how to steer yourself out of trouble.

     One of the mottos of this show is “to look where you want to go.” If you are looking at where you want to go, then you will steer that way…well, I guess that takes practice, too, because, along with the unsafe lane changes, often people don’t look when they make a lane change…

     Hence, why the middle finger was invented.

    * Post Note from my previous blog about my insurance….So, this is why our insurance rates are so high.*


Product Names-Part 2….Women Beware

Yesterday I gave you the “guy” pictures…How about these ones???

Hungry? How about a Bimbo sandwich?

You can wash it down with some Pee Cola? Ok, when they named this product, did they really think people would want to drink something called this? What do you think? Should it be served warm or chilled?

And, for dessert, you could have some Bum Bum Banana Icecream…ok, now that just sounds gross…has the banana been up someone’s bum and then made into icecream? Yuck-o-rama!

You could always Finger Marie….

in the jussipussi….Ewww….(sorry girls….even that grossed me out!)

And, if one candy bar doesn’t give you the shits…

 maybe the other one will give you the farts…

Or, worse yet….the plopps….That might not be good…I guess it would depend on what you were wearing…

You could always have some Dooby’s cereal….which might make you go….wait for it:

So, does that mean that if you eat these candies, you’ll go mental….or are these the type of medicines that someone who is mental might take to help cure them…?



Product Names–men beware!!!

     I recently was in my local Walmart and found this in the International Foods Aisle. I am not kidding either. I couldn’t believe my eyes, so I had to buy it. Of course, I’m a little afraid of actually trying it. I mean, what would it possibly taste like?

     It says it’s got “Genuine Caribbean Taste”. Wow, does that mean there are actually what I think there are in there, or is that artificial, too?

     Of course, I’m joking. Not about the soup, because that’s real, but about the ‘what-is-actually-in-it’ part. Actually, if you look at the label, no where on this container does it say ‘chicken’ or even ‘cock’. There is absolutely no nutritional value to this soup.

     So, I went on a little search to find other such products, coming up with quite a few. I just wonder how you could possibly eat or drink any of these products with a straight face.

     How about some Aass beer…it’s doubly good because there’s more than one ‘A’…does that mean it came from more than one ass?

     How about ‘coming’ lemon candy? Does that sound appealing or what…? That’s right up there with cock soup.

     Here’s some cock rice sticks for your cock soup. I think rice is just the cover-up for this product. The real ingredient is the cock.

     And, to go along with the cock theme, how about Erektus Energy drink? Now, that sounds appealing.

     How about these? Prick potato chips…did they get some guy to sacrifice is prick for these chips, slicing it ever so thinly, then frying them up in hot oil….I’m sure there have been many a female who has wanted to do that from a time or two…

     How about spotted dick cake…is this cake made from a dick with spots on it? And, if it is, does that mean it has some communicable disease? I don’t know if I trust ‘spotted dick’ cake.

     And, they’re are more. They just keep coming and coming. Oops, no pun intended…ok, maybe there is.


Ok, how the hell is this fair???

     The other day, we got our insurance renewal forms in the mail. Apparently our insurance for our vehicles has gone up by about $500.

     So, my hubby gets on the phone today with the insurance company to find out why our insurance has gone up this huge amount of money, when neither of us has:

1. Made any claims on said vehicles,
2. Both of us have clean (or mostly clean–a couple of speeding tickets or parking tickets don’t count) driving records, and…
3. The vehicles are both new, therefore won’t fall apart while driving, but they certainly aren’t sports cars.

     Nope. So, you’d think that maybe since neither one of us has been in any accidents or have been pulled over for drunk driving or something stupid like that, that our insurance would be a nice comfortable rate…

     Well, apparently, it’s all because of my car.

     In 2009, I bought a 2009 Dodge Caliber…a nice reliable car. This year, my hubby needed a new truck (since his old truck was pretty much falling apart) so he got himself a Dodge Ram with 4 doors. His truck his twice the size of my car, but mine’s the one that is costing us the most.

     Why, you might ask?

     Well, apparently, there are a lot of people getting into accidents with this kind of car, and also because I live in the area that I do. Nevermind that I’ve never been in an accident with this car, here or anywhere else, but now I have to pay the price for everyone elses stupidity and negligence? Why bother being a safe driver, if I have to pay for everyone elses accidents?

     I don’t know…maybe with the way gas prices are going up, too, maybe I should just trade everything in and get a horse and buggy…It might be cheaper and I can just let the horse dump where it wants because I feel like our insurance company has just shit on me.



     Ok, so today is clean-up day…

     I cleaned up my desk, throwing out info that wasn’t needed anymore or that I had never used. I bagged up the mail that has account numbers on it, some of it that was never opened. You know, the bills you get in the mail, but don’t have the funds to pay them right then.

     I now have a desk that is clean and, almost tidy. I can at least see what colour it is, and I have space for more stuff…However, my fridge was another story.

     I believe I have discovered a new life form. It was in my fridge. I’ve contacted the Infection Control Board, (for the penicillin that I found)  the New Obnoxious Gases Control Center, and the mushroom farm down the road. They will be at my house within the hour. I think I may even have to contact the zoo…they may be very interested in my new life form…

     One particular bowl that was in the fridge, had what I thought was my potato and hamburger casserole (affectionately called by the family, “Thursday night surprise”)…Well, it was a surprise all right, because it wasn’t what I thought it was.

     I sacrificed some of those cheap “throw away” containers so that I could get rid of the Thursday Night Surprise…well, surprise!!! It was a totally different dish altogether. The noxious gases coming from it made me dizzy with dismay. I began to wonder how deep our fridge really is that I could have missed this bowl for so long.

     Well, all is clean now. The men in white jumpsuits with airmasks have come and gone, taking with them the things that were crawling away on their own and the stuff that was stuck to the sides. The Men In Black have also taken away my new life form. It was very sad to see him go, waving his little hand goodbye.

     But, I believe I will have to set up a regular schedule of cleaning out the fridge so that this sort of thing doesn’t happen again. I wouldn’t want to make any more life form’s cry.


To Blog and to be Blogged…

     Thank you Christina….I appreciate the award…

     I guess the rules are that I have to tell you all 7 things about myself….

1. I LOVE Peanut butter and I eat it at least once a day…I love peanut butter and bacon sandwiches.
2. I like to read Young Adult books…
3. My very favourite place in the whole world is Bon Echo Provincial Park in Ontario.
4. I love my cats…Newton and Dodgey.
5. I like to crochet and all sorts of other crafty things.
6. I love Tim Horton’s coffee and wish I could have it everyday.
7. I hate to spend money on groceries and hair cuts.

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Slightly Off The Mark


Slobs of the world unite!!

     Are you living in chaos?…..that’s Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome? I know my family is. Friends and relatives must leave an itinerary so that we know exactly when they will be coming over, so that we can have the place looking a little more presentable. You know, sweep the floor, clean the toilets and pick up the cats pompoms that he likes to play with…

     Here’s another thing I have to admit…I am a slob…and so is my hubby…and probably my daughter as well. Of course, our house DOES NOT look like this (picture below-googled hoarders images). We’re slobs, not hoarders. However, we do have a lot of things that I just don’t know what to do with…We might need them someday…

          But, Christmas is coming (The Santa Claus parade is on Sunday evening) and I wanted to get the tree up. We have a very large house (about 2500 sq feet) but, I don’t know what to do with all my “stuff” as George Carlin so aptly put it.

     In our living room, we have two couches (that don’t match), three chairs (each chair matches one of the couches…the extra chair no one sits in because it’s busted, but for some reason, we have never gotten rid of it…maybe we’ll need it someday when all the other ones are busted too.), a toy chest and many of those “roll-a-way” plastic bins full of her toys, a rickety coffee table (that houses her playhouse), another coffee table, a tv, an antique corner cabinet (which as more of her toys in it), and last but not least, a fireplace in the corner. Too much??? At least you can sit down and not have to move the pots and pans.

     The one couch and chair we ‘acquired’ this year since my inlaws got themselves a new one, and we don’t pass up free. So, this year, I don’t know where to put the tree.

     I think tomorrow I will have to purge my desk where I do my writing, (in the dining room) and of course, the dining room table that is the catch-all for the mail, and right now, is housing all of her Halloween candy she hasn’t eaten yet.

     I will have to get her to purge her roll-a-way plastic bins, making her throw out the little bits of paper that have doodles on them, the stupid toys from McDonalds, and anything else that hasn’t seen the light of day since last Christmas when I posed the question to myself, “Where the hell am I going to put the Christmas tree in all this chaos?”